relentless

truthfully, there is enough to make an angel weep-

the endless steppe of daily obligations and weekly upkeep and monthly and annual and.

it never stops-

the teeth brushing, the toilet paper buying, and grocery shopping and broken hearts and skinny shampoo bottles balanced on the bathtub rim.

Every. Single. Day.

relentless-

my body is relentless, demanding, pained and soft and 

the school work is relentless, papers and papers about nothing, about vaguely ambitious ideas that roll sweet and heady off my fingertips and

my friends, the wild chaotic mess that they are and all our lives always one step away from spiraling out of control and

love. love with all its heartwrecking promises and its reign over the air and over my chest and all the Goddamn hope it feeds us, and

her. she doesn’t stop, I do not think I can stand her, her fury and her anguish and all her face aflame in hell’s shadow and

the words. the words that are stuck in my throat, between my teeth, coating my tongue in ash and

relentless, mundane activities, so necessary and exhausting they would make an angel kneel-

how the linen needs to be washed and changed, and warm sweet smelling laundry needs to be folded, and vitamins have to be swallowed, and all the ways we spend money (lattes and cars and warm socks and scented candles and gifts and ice cream and)

and all the ways we’ve got to earn it (the money is so often the agent of death, impostor of the living and)

and all the makeup and the dental work and manicures and eyebrow shaping and all the ways we need to be beautiful because we need to be appreciated because we need to be loved because

our shameful little lives- vast in the potential that lies huddled on our window sill and- peace, we live in times of peace and plenty and having everything makes you anxious, makes you guilty for wanting more, for seeking more, for trying more, for being more-

it’s relentless, all this rain and sun and snow and laughter and

hot cocoa on the beach, whispered confession into dust and

relentless,

I.

I. Will. Be. Relentless.

Because I don’t want to die, and because I may as well, may as well give this sharp edged slice of life- may as well give it all I’ve got.

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