sometimes there’s today

Sometimes there is the need to

read/ eat/ drink strong coffee/ music/ movies/ Facebook/ phone call/ Skype/ noise

a need to stuff the body with everything, anything

that isn’t you,

stuff the body with anything foreign,

a frenzy of alienation,

I do not want to know you, I do not want to belong to you, I am not yours.

Sometimes the sadness is not the absolution for the sin

Sometimes our bodies are beautiful, and the sharp lines are blended into soft curves whispering into slopes and planes, and sometimes our bodies make our souls weep in their confusion- shrines to destroyed/ shrines to worshiped

Sometimes it is hard to forget that age will ravage us,

that age will feast on our bodies and vandalize our skin, and bite through our bones.

Sometimes, you cannot ignore the promise of nightfall in the dawn, the promise of loss in the love, the promise of disappointment in the hoping.

I will be better, come morning.

I will brush my hair with my fingers, and coax my heart from its grave.

We are all stronger than we seem or think.

We are all in agony, sometimes.

Sometimes we are teaspoons, or chandeliers, or picket fences or graffiti, tongue piercings, guitar strings, sneakers-

Sometimes we let ourselves break; the tears and sounds that come out of us are frightening; we are estranged from our insides

(we are grown ups).

Today I am alive.

Today I am afraid and I am laughing at your joke, the fleetingness of it all.

Today is Wednesday and I remember.

Today, I am drunk on the thoughts and secrets of last night, the whispers of the wounded wind

Today I will latch onto a stranger, and make them love me.

Today I will paint a picture, a painting for

Tomorrow-

I will paint till my fingers bleed.

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