conversation between me and myself-4 am and not enough whiskey to drown in

Would you like to go to sleep now?

Yes- yeah, please.

Would you like to turn off the fan?

Yes.

Do you think it’ll be better tomorrow?

I don’t know- but coffee roll for breakfast.

Did you just cry through every YouTube video, song, Voice Battle, and washing your face?

Yep. Go me.

Do you think it’ll get easier tomorrow- this….weight?

What do you think I want- huh? If I want to move, and I still stay shock still, wearing inertia like an overcoat- do you think- maybe I just don’t want it bad enough?

I think I wish you were drunk right now.

I wish I’d never been born, you know. 

I know.

But life’s beautiful. I’m not ready to give it up- there’s so many holes I gotta fill. So much shit to work with-

Do you think I can?

….

Is it supposed to rain tomorrow?

Yep.

Would be nicer to jog in the rain- less people, more refreshing.

Who are we fooling? Who’s doing the out-of-bed prerequisite to jogging, huh?

Do you wish you can unzip your bones and let your soul out, free- let it crawl under Someone Else’s rib cage and swaddle itself in their warmth and Otherness?

Yes. All the time.

Are you crying? Like, again?

Yes.

I’m sorry.

Yeah, me too.

 

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